It has been a few weeks since I last wrote…lots of life has happened in those few weeks. Most importantly, Christmas! I hope all had a Merry Christmas and were over-joyed with the love of our Savior. Christmas was a bit different this year for us, which has had me thinking. What is Christmas truly about? What have I made Christmas out to be? What does Christmas really mean to me in my heart?
I have always been a super big Christmas person. I can’t wait every year to decorate our home. I hang the greenery full of red and green with lights that shine so bright on the darkest, stillest of nights. I love to place all of my beautiful treasures; angels, snowmen, reindeer all around. Put up the tree and hang the ornaments one at a time, remembering each one and the story that goes with it. The memory of when we received them and the love that each means. But my most precious of all… the nativity scene that my grandmother made. It is ceramic and white and perfect. It is Christmas to me… and it brings Christmas alive in me every single year.
The detail. The time she spent. From the wrinkles in Joseph’s robe to the wings of every angel. She made this manger scene to come alive. And it does every year in our home. But even more than that, it makes Christmas come alive in my heart. And this year as I set it out just like every year before I smile. I think of her. And I think of what Christmas means to my family.
This year has been different. My hubby had some pretty invasive hip surgery done on December 5th. He has been growing extra bone for years and it finally got the point that we had to do something. He was losing his mobility and was no longer able to do the things he loves. When the doctors had a cancellation and called to see if we could come on the 5th we jumped at the opportunity. The surgery went well and was very successful. We stayed in Vail almost a full week for his rehab and continued monitoring by the doctors and team before getting to come home.
The last three weeks have consisted of intense therapy; at home and at his therapist’s office, as well as pool therapy. It has consisted of boy chasing (and super over excited four-year old boys joy for Christmas), taxi driving my hubby to therapy and to the office a little, and trying to pull Christmas together. I wanted to make it special for the boys… but the more I tried to “make” Christmas happen here, the more tired and frustrated I became. We only made cookies once, and I didn’t get the gingerbread houses for them, and I didn’t get to take them shopping to buy for each other. And I can list many more things that we didn’t do. And I was growing tired and even a little bitter. Why us? Why at Christmas? This is the time of year that is so special… we get to celebrate the birth of our Savior. After all, if Jesus hadn’t been born Christmas wouldn’t even exist. But I felt so stuck. Stuck here. Stuck inside. Just stuck. But God…. He is so good, so faithful. He spoke so gently to my heart, “You are looking for satisfaction from the outside when I have provided this time on the inside of growth for your family”. I was so convicted. I had started to idolize the opportunities that the outside world provides; getting all dressed up to attend Christmas parties, going to the National Finals Rodeo, getting to “go” out Christmas shopping, etc. When really, my Father had provided this time with Chase… and the boys. Family time, time to spend together, time to love on each other. Which is what Christmas is really all about…. love. Love that came down. Love that came for me and for you. Love that sacrifices. Love came in the form of a little baby boy so that we can live and know love and spread love.