A time of reflection

Good evening,

I hope everyone is enjoying this week of Thanksgiving prep!  I gathered a few last-minute items up this morning and have spent the afternoon cooking.  It truly is one of my favorites times of the year.  But it’s not just the holidays that make this time of the year special to us.  As my hubby and I laid on our couch last night watching a movie we reflected on this time of the year together… only four years ago when it was hospital beds we were laying in instead of our couch.  Sleepily walking those hallways back and forth to the NICU door every 3 hours for care time.  The boys were on the 3:00, 6:00, 9:00, and 12:00 care time schedule.  That meant that every three hours we would get to stick our hands in their little temperature controlled incubator doors and change their diapers and roll them over while the nurses hooked up my milk to their feeding tubes and took their temperatures.  At first the care times went relatively quick as the boys just stayed in their little beds.  But as time went by and the boys began to grow and were able to begin taking them out of their temperature controlled beds and hold them.  And it wasn’t but a few weeks later that I started to attempt to nurse them.  At this point they hadn’t developed the sucking reflex yet so I would try to nurse them and then we would put them back and the nurses would hook up my milk to their feeding tubes.  Care times had gone from relatively quick to around an hour and a half… meaning that we slept for an hour and a half then sleepily walked down the hallway to do it all over again.

My hubby and I laughed last night at our state of exhaustion.  And he was getting up and going to work during the day!  We reflected back on how we never were able to keep Qwade in his swaddle.  Even now that boy destroys his bed at night!  And Carter, always so much more quiet, he worked to pull his arms out of his blanket to sleep with them above his head.  This season always brings so many memories back for us… good memories, but also lots of hard ones.

It’s amazing how reflecting back now it was one of the biggest blessings the Father has given us.  But at the time it seemed disastrous.  What happened?  Why did my water break unexpectedly at 31 weeks?  Why couldn’t I carry them longer?  How did this happen?  This wasn’t the plan…  But the Father is in the business of taking what we see as a disaster and making it beautiful.  He takes our pain, our tears, our guilt, our shame and he orchestrates beauty.  His plan was so much bigger than ours.  And in the midst of all the suffering he brings comfort, peace, love, compassion, a harvest in our hearts.  The Father can birth our biggest miracles out of our deepest pain.

I pray that this time of Thanksgiving is a season of reflection for you.  For all the blessings that the Father has showered on you… Being grateful is a choice.  Choose to see the good.

Blessings,

Tana

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