What is the weather doing where you live? It is cold and windy here this morning! Brrrr As I sit here spending time with Jesus, coffee in hand I have been thinking about the wind as I watch it out the window. How it blows things this way and that way without rhythm. It stirs up the dirt and the leaves and a few of the straggling kids toys in the yard too. It is not very pleasant out, that is for sure.
I have felt a little bit like those leaves blowing around out there at times. Crazy schedules, work, kids, wife, the cooking, the cleaning, the running errands, the chase after time in my own day. Oh and schedule our parent teacher conferences for preschool and put some pictures in an appraisal report. And dinner? Well that will have to wait for now. The running, the rushing, the craziness that goes on day in and day out can leave us feeling tossed this way and that. It can leave us feeling like we are blown, tired, wore down and rugged. And maybe curled up on the edges, just like those leaves. When my soul is empty and I feel drained everything and everyone else around me suffers. I’m not a great mom. I’m not a great wife. I’m not a great sister or friend or daughter either. As I’m blown around and the wind keeps pushing the cold in, my attitude and perspective start to slowly change.
This life race we are running isn’t easy. And nobody said it would be. But there has to be a way…. there has to be more. There has to be a way to fill back up when we are wore down. And that is exactly what Jesus wants to do. When we are at our very end, He is just beginning. When we can’t go another step, let alone another day, He is just beginning. When we aren’t sure what the future looks like, He is just beginning. When the wind blows the darkness near, let Him be the light that leads the way.
I remember the day this past March when I was on my way to Children’s Hospital, again. This was not my first trip there… I have had quite a few. But this time it was Qwade. Up to this point Carter is the one who had struggled with his lungs. Struggled to maintain his oxygen levels. Struggled with pneumonia. But on this crisp March day it was Qwade and I in route. He had come down with a nasty virus and as hard as we had tried my husband and I couldn’t keep his oxygen up, and his breathing became more labored and more labored. I felt that cold rush of a breeze on my face as I loaded him in the car. Hours later as we sat in the hospital ER waiting for them to find him a room upstairs I cried. I cried when they told us he would have to stay, that the treatments weren’t as effective as they had hoped. I sat in the hospital chair that day and felt the wind completely sweep me off my feet. It was so sudden and unexpected. As I cried out to the Father “Why? I thought we were moving past this? We have changed our diet, changed our whole atmosphere, limited their exposure….I can’t do this anymore.” He whispered back to me, “It’s OK child. I’m holding on to you while you are holding on to him.”
See, I wasn’t sitting in that hospital chair all alone. And just when I felt I was at the end of my strength, my rope, and the wind was going to knock me off my feet, the Father took me in and squeezed me. He began where I had ended that day. And as we sat in that chair, the Father, Qwade, and myself we began to rock and I felt peace. I knew that I could do this, I could do whatever was thrown at me as long as I kept my eyes on Him.
What winds of uncertainty are blowing in your life right now? Stand on the rock of Jesus. He is just beginning when you feel like you are overwhelmed, tired, broken, and can’t go another step. I clung to Isaiah 40 verse 11, ‘He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young’. I knew he was carrying me while I was carrying my boys during those difficult days. He was carrying me close to his heart. Lean in to Jesus today. Let him carry you.